I read an article today called “Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others” and, of course, it made me think. I was intrigued by the conclusions they had drawn from their study, but what seemed to be lacking entirely from this article was LOVE. The writers and researchers made marriage about ages and demographics, not about a genuine connection between two people. And it made me wonder…are they right?
As I was reading this article I had a revelation when I came to the section about “stringers”. In fact, it gave me complete clarity on my last relationship. I was being strung along and I (finally) recognize that. And the article is right, it was my fault, not his. I should have learned to be more firm with my needs and timetable instead of letting myself get strung along. I’m entirely to blame (well, I blame the blindness of love just a teensy bit). But does that mean I should follow the article’s advice and tell the next guy I date that I want a proposal in the first 6 months? I sure hope not, because that isn’t happening. What if he isn’t my lobster?
This article makes marriage sound like a game that has to be won. You go for the right demographic, find a diamond in the rough who is socially retarded, give him a 6 month deadline and BAM you can be the next lucky married lady. Yes, one day I hope to get remarried, but not just for the sake of being married. If I just wanted the status of “married” then I would have stayed married in the first place. I want true love. Does this make me a Pollyanna? This article seems to make me think so.
The Avett Brothers tell us that “true love is not the kind of thing you should turn, don’t ever turn it down”. Maybe they tell us that because it’s so incredibly rare. Maybe they’ve learned what I suppose I am just now learning: real, ridiculous love is hard to come by so if you have to get married you’re better off going for someone who’s ready to marry and to heck with the rest. Just pick a nice guy that you can tolerate, and make it work (when did Tim Gunn start making an appearance in my blog?).
But I’m also learning that I don’t have to get married.
I’m a perfectly capable young woman who is financially and emotionally independent. Yes, I’d love someone to pass the time with (and you know, someone to take me to see The Hobbit…), but I don’t NEED it. I don’t need to be married anytime soon. So that means that I am free to wait for true love, if it ever wants to come along again. The more you realize you don’t need a man, the more of a position you put yourself in to find the right one.
So there, MSNBC. Screw your age ranges and demographics. I’m going to date based on emotion and personality instead of who the “right” type of guy for marriage will be. And yes, that might get me burned again. I might fall in love with another stringer who will break my heart, but you know what? At least I felt something real. At least I had the passion of real love. THAT is something that is a non-negotiable for me. Whether it’s a short story or an epic novel, my love stories have to be REAL.